Have You Ever tried planting fish under tomato plants for a real bonus in the way of fertilizer? It really works, but my first experience was disastrous, to say the least.

We took our small son fishing on the banks of the ol Missouri. On occasion we have caught fine pike, trout, catfish and other desirable fish on these family expeditions. However, the whole catch that afternoon amounted to four suckers and two large carp. The carp, caught by our four-year old, seemed like whales to him. How would you explain to such a small angler that his catch wasn’t worth taking home? Neither could we explain, so home they went where he pridefully showed them around the neighborhood.

Long before the boy was awake the next morning, I prepared to inter the fish by the garden fence. My elderly German neighbor, a gardener from way back, leaned across the gate. He advised me to hack them up and bury generous pieces in the bottom of holes dug for fine tomato plants he would give me. This I did.

We had fillets from the store for dinner that evening, which the little fellow claimed without question.

All went well for a couple of days. The weather warmed up, so the second evening I removed the newspaper shelters covering the tomato plants. I thought I could detect a bit of a fishy odor on the gentle breeze. Oh, welll

At early dawn I awoke with a start to the most unearthly snarling, spitting and general caterwauling I ever hope to hear. The noise would rise to a howling crescendo, then subside entirely only to rise again to new heights.

Creeping to the window, I looked out on a really pathetic scene. My lovely tomato plants had all but disappeared. The garden enclosure was taken over by cats. Big cats, little cats, fat cats, lean cats! All engaged in digging up fish, eating fish, or disputing in demoniac yowls over the ownership of a choice morsel.

I threw on my robe and ventured out just as my elderly neighbor inched the gate open a crack large enough to let his dog into my garden plot. Cats flew in all directions. In seconds the last one fairly sailed over the fence. He laughed so hard his tummy shook. Then he showed me how to plant a tomato.

Fish or no fish, he said, dig a hole at least the girth and depth of a water bucket. Place a handful of fertilizer (or a hunk of fish) at the bottom. Mound soil over it in a cone shape in the center of the hole nearly as high as the hole is deep. Set the plant on the cone and drape the roots in all directions. Hold it with one hand while you fill in the rest of the soil, firming it carefully until nearly ground level. Water it well and let the water soak away. Add more soil until there is only a slight depression around the plant. Cover the immediate area with grass clippings or other mulch and shelter the plant for a few days and if you’re in a vacation, make sure to now some vacation plant watering tips.

Buried to such a depth, the fish doesnt call all the cats in town. By the time the roots reach that far, the fish has decomposed to a ready form of nourishment.